How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
