Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
