How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
