I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
