I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize