We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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