I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
