I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
