So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
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I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
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I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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