I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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