if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
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