I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
did i just pee glitter
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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