Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
