and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
two words: eviction party
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
