Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
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They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
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Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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