and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
