every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
