i was rollin on her like bob the builder
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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