They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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