My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
