I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
