I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
oh god was she eating orange peels again
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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