what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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