Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
My penis needs a shock collar
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize