my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
