new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
