i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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