You just made me feel so damn special
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
