What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
