this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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