Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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