I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
