you turned your livingroom into a bong?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
