All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
