My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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