I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
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Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
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I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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