I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
