No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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