I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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