So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
