Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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