I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
