Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
