Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
