TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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