The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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