Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Randomize
