i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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