My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
