Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
