I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
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