Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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