I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
