some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
stop calling my apartment porn island.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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