She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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