I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
As shirtless as possible
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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