I met the friendliest cop last night
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
