I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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