God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Life is so much better after having sex.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
