party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
