Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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