Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
