You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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