btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
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he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
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My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
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