Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
