True but thats because hes a fetus.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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