i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
bring money and cleavage
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
